Helping Men Discover Their Passion
“Here’s flowers for you; hot lavender, mints, savory, marjoram; the marigold that goes to bed with the sun, and with him rises weeping: these are flowers of middle summer, and I think they are given to men of middle age.” William Shakespeare
Who Are You?
One thing is for certain, if you ignore your spirit for too long, it will eventually burst through your carefully constructed façade. Midlife crisis is prevalent among men after age 40. Is it any wonder? Who are you? What do you love? What brings you joy? Do you even know yourself anymore or are you totally unaware of your deepest passions and desires? Many of my male friends are tremendously talented and creative … only they don’t know it. One of my best guy friends can literally play hundreds of songs on the guitar, but when I complemented him on being a talented musician, he laughed! Somewhere along the line he learned that to be a “musician” he had to play guitar like Springsteen or Santana.
Another friend of mine is a gifted writer. His writing is intelligent, sensitive, and very moving. To be quite honest, I have never read anything like it. He’s original and unique, but I’m not sure if he even considers himself to be a writer. His focus is on pursuing a career in academics where he receives due praise and recognition, but I don’t think it’s where his heart is at. Time and time again, I see men abandon what they love for money.
Does Your Career Define Your Life?
Why do men stifle their passion by pursuing what they think will bring them success? It seems that success in our society is measured by how much money we earn doing something, rather than how much joy we experience while doing it. It’s depressing to me to see the vacant stares of men that are totally lost spiritually, and completely out of touch with their soul’s longing. They often hide behind the successes of men in professional sports by spending hours watching other men pursue their dreams. (Be honest, how many men do you know who zone out weekly, if not daily, in front of their big screen TVs watching sports with a beer in hand? It’s revolting.) Workaholism is another dream killer. All too often, men work themselves to the point of heart-pounding anxiety attacks, only to be let go from their jobs due to phase-outs and downsizing. The career that monopolized all their precious time is suddenly meaningless, leaving them wondering ‘what the hell am I doing with my life’!
Sadly, I’ve witnessed male friends trying in vain to please their families with fancy homes, dream vacations, and every materialistic thing imaginable, only to realize that no matter what they do or how much they give, it is never truly appreciated or enough. Perhaps this is why so many men, after age 40, leave their marriages. Believing that a younger lover or sports car and/or speed boat will bring back the sense of aliveness that they’ve lost somewhere along the way. And, maybe these things will help temporarily. At some point, however, this pattern of dissatisfaction, that is an epidemic in our society, will come back to haunt them because it’s only a symptom of the greater issue. They’re not following their hearts or listening to their spirits!
Find Your Passion
The good news is, it’s never too late to jumpstart your life and do what you love. Whether you are a man or a woman, explore the following suggestions to help you find what really makes your heart pound:
- Do something you love everyday. If this is impossible, at least once a week, do something that makes you feel excited and alive. Remember, you are a beautiful and precious creation. Your life was meant to be lived joyfully and you deserve goodness and happiness. Be prepared that others may call you selfish and childish for taking time out for yourself. Ignore them. The truth is that the more joy you experience on a soulful level, the more joy you bring to those around you. If someone truly loves you, they will recognize this and want this for you.
- Avoid energy vampires like alcohol, TV, or computer games and the Internet, etc. Although these things may offer temporary relief from the feelings that you’re trying to avoid, in truth they only numb you and lower your energy vibration. You need to be sober and very alert to hear what your heart is calling you to do. Get outside and let nature inspire you through gardening, hikes through the woods, kayaking/canoeing, etc.
- Listen to music. Remember in high school how music was your lifeline to sanity? Ever wonder why you abandoned your passion for music? Music is a powerful gateway to spirit. It makes you feel stuff! Something you’re probably seriously out of touch with. Dig out all those old tunes that you loved or discover some new artists and songs. Music frees up the soul and helps you to dream and imagine. There are songs for every mood and emotion. Explore this. Let music move you.
- Keeping a notebook can help you access your creative side and see what’s really going on in your mind. Write a little every day and do not edit what you write. Don’t worry about spelling and punctuation. Don’t even worry about content. Get your head out of the way and simply write. If you’re worried about someone reading what you write, find a safe and secret place to store your notebook. This writing is for you and you alone. Don’t let fear prevent you from exploring this powerful exercise.
- Talk it out with a friend or someone you can trust. Although sometimes it might feel like no one could possibly understand, you are never alone. There is a whole universe of support out there, you just need to look around to know this and access it.
© Copyright 2010 Holly Wilson
Author Bio: Holly Wilson is a freelance writer/editor and stay-at-home mom. You may contact Holly at holly@ecoerth.com. If you liked this article, please share it on Facebook, Twitter, StumbleUpon, etc.☮
Wow!!!!! All that you discribed is so Darryl. I didn’t realize how intouch with himself he was.. He does watch sports on TV, but he plays them all as well. So I have to disagree with your comment “They often hide behind the successes of men in professional sports by spending hours watching other men pursue their dreams.” I believe he actually enjoys watching other men play and even “yells and gives them advice” as though they can hear him. I think it truely helps him unwind and he is doing something he enjoys!!! Just the same way we enjoy writing or reading to unwind I believe this is his thing. Sometimes I think many women resent the fact that alot of men can just let the stress go and zone out!!! Don’t resent this let go yourself and instead of cleaning that kitchen floor and hating him for not helping, just do something for you, for a change. Have that hot bath, watch that sappy movie, go for a long walk, stare out the window and dream!!!! I think to understand a man you have to let yourself think as one, and just let go!!!!! So very good article, but I don’t think that their way and our way(men versus women) are necessarily right or wrong. I think (we) as women just have to learn to let it go, and except the fact that dreaming is a part of all our lives and hell aim high why not, it could happen that’s why it’s called a dream!!!
One more point: Sadly I too have witnessed many marriages fail. But I don’t think it is necessarily the need of a younger lover or sports car. It could be the fact that as a (NEW) couple we dream and laugh together and as we grow older we get too buttoned down, with life, jobs, children. And all that becomes boring and the constant nagging I’ve seen of alot of couples would make anyone run. So my advice is don’t fight it, laugh together, dream together, just let go yourself and just maybe you’ll find that spark again, the reason you fell in love in the first place! “Talk it out with a friend or someone you trust.” Let that someone be you,(unjudgmentally) and just listen for a change, you don’t need to tell someone what is right or wrong, they don’t want to know, they just want you to listen!!!! I think alot of marriages would last longer if people just listened to each other without judging. Hell it works for me, Darryl is my best friend who I know will listen to anything I tell him and I know I’m his best friend as well and we always support each other in our thoughts no matter how crazy they sound. Because we know we can “Trust” each other, and with each other we are never alone.
Love you!!!! Sorry I rambled, but after 25 years we’re still best friends, so something we’re doing is right, sports(warts) and all!!!!!
You know, as much as this was geared towards men, I think many of the things you talk about are relevant to our North American society in general. I do actually quite like your bit about sitting in front of the TV……watching sports once in awhile is a far cry from using it as your outlet and relaxation time on a daily basis. That is simply not healthy! I know men who’s whole weekends were ruined because of a soccer or baseball game; again, not really that healthy (to me at least!) However, many women are equally guilty of watching hours of reality TV crap. I simply don’t understand it. I’d much rather be outside in touch with the world around me, experiencing nature with my family. All these technological gadgets are just another way to shut down and disconnect from the world around us. How can a marriage survive or a relationship flourish when many people are working more hours than ever before, to support big houses and fancy cars, etc etc etc? I know many couples who communicate through text messaging, and see this as extremely dangerous from a relationship perspective.
I think we could all benefit by finding our passions, as you suggest. A few months ago I read an article about a family that sold their house and most of their posessions, took their children out of school (and homeschooled), and spent a year travelling around the world. Now there is passion!! There is keeping a relationship and family emotionally charged and alive. And what a great lesson to teach the children. We don’t need all the “stuff” we think we need.
You make some great points in here that we could all learn from!!!
Sorry wow where to start. My man makes all my dreams possible I hope not at his expense. You scare me as a man and a women that are a true match IMOA are one and the same a part of each other.I can’t seperate the couple in this equation. I’ve been married 24 years and wow we think alike.One thing we are both certain of is “Avoid energy vampires like alcohol, TV, or computer games and the Internet” that statement must be a miss print. : )